ShanAlly Chronicles 2.0

First the bad news: I have contracted something between ManCold 2011 and Sinusitis Greenus Snottus. This means less productivity, more Grey's Anatomy.

The good news: It also means a little couch time for me to post Part 2 of the ShanAlly Chronicles. It's a little long because I'm wrapping up the rest of the trip today, complete with insights and photos...but it will probably be my last post until Friday. So...there's that...

What I learned...And check out Shana's post for her perspective on part 2!


1. As stated by Shana, not all art is meant to be understood. Or even liked. Plus, teddy bears are cute...until they are 4 stories tall with button eyes the size of a car. Then they are just creepy.

2. You can find God in a place like St. Patrick's Cathedral. You can also get yelled at for trying to take photos in a restricted area. Make your sign bigger, St. Patrick's. That's all I'm sayin'.

3. You should let Johnny and Jenny play with Legos for as long as they want. They may grow up and create a giant Legos sign made entirely of little Lego men, which will be displayed for the world to see in Rockefeller Center. Or they could choke on one and die. But you have a 50/50 shot. I like those odds. 

4. A little gold goes a looooonnnng way. But you can never have too many American flags. 

5. Wearing a headband comprised of dualing light-up penises either speaks to your age or your maturity level. Even if you are a bachelorette. Even if you are in the middle of a drag show. 

 
6. Some men hide their candy better than others.  

7. Some men just need the excuse of a drag show to let their freak flag fly (this is just a nod to the car commercial they play ad nauseum on Hulu and not a judgment in any way).

 Lucky Cheng's...where audience participation is not just encouraged, it's mandatory. It's also how you find out that a group of friends are there to have one last night out before their friend is deported back to Norway. 

8. Coffee always tastes better when served with a verb-embroidered napkin and a serving of custard-like french toast. 

 E.A.T. - one of Eli Zabar's cafes in Manhattan. Bread that will make you buy bigger pants and blame it on the birth control.

9. Alexander McQueen was a misunderstood genius who took his leave way too soon. 

 Savage Beauty, the Alexander McQueen exhibit at The Metropolitan Museum of Art is WORTH the trip. It was well designed and offers a glimpse into a dark and brilliant mind.

His philosophies mean a lot to me as a jewelry designer of custom and unique pieces. Quotes like:

• "I believe in that one-on-one sell. I don't really believe in flooding the market with loads of goods that don't mean much, and (you) lose your identity." 
• "Clothes and jewelry should be startling, individual. When you see a woman in my clothes, you want to know more about them. To me, that is what distinguishes good designers from bad designers." 
• "You've got to know the rules to break them. That's what I'm here for, to demolish the rules but keep the tradition." 

I relate specifically to this last one because it is true for everything, but especially in design. If you don't know the rules, you can still break them, but it just becomes a trainwreck instead of art. 

 Titanic Ballerina by Alexander McQueen via Google Images

10. Speaking of ballerinas...they wink for spare change in Central Park.

11. And ducks will catch a ride on the first thing floating by...

12. And flowers do grow in the city park...

13. I hear night-boating is becoming prevalent in New York...

 Double-decker brownie points if you can name that movie...which, apparently even Mama Virgo has seen. I must stop watching so much History Channel.

14. For me, Central Park is an exotic and famous greenspace and the back drop of so many fantastic movie scenes. For New Yorkers, it's a place to snap a couple of wedding pictures...

pop a squat after graduation...

or shoot a commercial (where you can walk right through the set...as long as you keep moving). 

15. NY cabbies have wised up. The only mode of transportation that is nearly as cost effective as a rickshaw? A Prius. 

We did meet our fair share of not-so-smart cabbies. We had to get out of one cab because the driver didn't know how to get to City Hall. Not some random club in the basement of a dentist's office....CITY HALL. Seriously?? And even though they have credit card machines in the cabs now, they do not have GPS for the drivers. I bet Garmin would be willing to strike a deal. Just sayin'.

16. Oprah is right. Being fitted for the right bra and then investing a little money in your bras will build your confidence, from the cleavage, out. Also, after approximately 20 years, I finally know the correct way to wear a bra. And to think, I've been unknowingly hanging out of them for all these years. 

 Many thanks to Linda and her ladies at Linda's on Lex. And they are hiring. But not men, as we found out when one tried to apply as we were finishing the fitting. Because, really men, unless you moonlight at Lucky Cheng's, what do you know about over the shoulder boulder holders?

17. When in New York, you must eat 3 things: cannoli (because if your first one is bad, you'll never eat another. If your first one is amazing, you'll know a bad one before it ever hits your lips), pizza (something about New York's water and the dough), and dim sum (which is a must if you have ever seen Sleepless in Seattle. I apologize if you now have Bill Pullman Walter's dim sum jingle stuck in your head). We managed to hit all 3. 

18. New Yorkers do not say y'all, they are not mild-mannered, and they are not soft-spoken. They do sprinkle curse words through nearly every sentence, they speak with passion and enthusiasm, and they are boisterous. It is difficult to leave the city without using your hands to speak, talking 20 mph, and cursing. Especially when you have lunched on Staten Island...where J attempted to prove that it is possible to fit a round man through a square hole. 

19. Champagne Friday is forever ruined now that I have celebrated it at The Plaza....where we were upstaged by the table next to us - 3 generations of women donning their fascinators and gloves. But we had pink champagne, so we win. 

20. I learned several other tidbits along the way, as well....

• There is no need to arrive at the Long Island airport 2 hours early. You'll just be sitting for 1 1/2 hours. 
• Just because a movie wins an Oscar, does not make it worthy of your time *ahem, looking at YOU, Black Swan*. 
• If you have the opportunity to visit either the Harry Potter exhibit or the Pompeii exhibit, take it! Just make sure you've seen the Harry Potter movies first (or run the risk of annoying the crap out of your hostess with an endless array of questions). Also, know that the Pompeii exhibit features the shells of decayed residents of Pompeii...preserved by the layers of ash that fell when the volcano blew. It's haunting but worth it. 
• New Yorkers are mad for their diners. In Kentucky, we eat at diners when nothing else is open. In New York, it is sometimes their first choice. And they do serve a helluva cobb salad.
• If a cab driver's credit card machine is not working, you do not have to pay the fare. Wait, is there more to this? Shana?? 
• All of the stuff Shana puts up about J? It is all true. He really is like that. And I have never met 2 people who are more perfectly matched. Because anyone else would be tempted, at times, to serve him a knuckle sandwich.
• When Neal and I went to NYC, he asked me at the end of the trip, "so how did you like the city?" I said, "meh. It's OK. I like Chicago better." But that's because I had been to Chicago a bajillion times and had moved past the touristy stuff and into the heart of what makes it Chicago. Shana took me to New York's heart and I will never be able to look back. There are too many people in too small of a space but when you feel the rhythm of a city that is constantly moving under your feet, you can't help but want to be one of those people. 

 

Ally and Shana Take NYC: Part 1.5

Happy Champagne Friday, pretty people!

So...is it just me or did this week sort of last forever? And yet, last week was like riding backwards on an express train. Clearly, vacation weeks and Twilight Zone time warps are inexplicably linked.

Here's the sad news: I don't have a R.E.D. item for you today because I am just now digging out from the tumbleweeds of cat hair and the Great Smoky Mountains of laundry. But have you ever known me to slack? (no comment necessary from the 400Wakeup family members) So, I will return next week with at least 2 and probably 3 R.E.D. items to post to make up for it. And maybe by then, my resin roses and I will have reached an understanding that doesn't involve coming apart (by either of us).

In the meantime, I bring you the first several days of The Shanally Chronicles. 

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." 

I would venture to say that we sort of happened to New York. And we learned quite a few lessons along the way.

1. You are never too old for balloon art. Be it a flower...

Jeff Koons' balloon flower near World Trade Center 7

 or intermingling boy and girl parts...whichever...(sorry, but I refuse to spend my Saturday picking through dirty spam comments. So, let's just leave the textbook terms in the textbook.)

Lucky Cheng's (because I am a glutton for punishment and specifically requested a NYC drag show)

2. A decade is not quite long enough to build a memorial. I have faith that 2021 will be a big year. 

 Ground Zero with the new tower going up slowly, but surely. 

 

3. Tourist photo of Statue of Liberty is less exciting than Statue of Liberty on the Diagonal. 

 Exhibit A

Exhibit B (I know, right?)

4. But Statue of Liberty on the Diagonal is not as exciting as Statue of Liberty with a Light Up Her Ass. 

 

5. There's nothing more beautiful than a girl who is proud of her roots. 

 I adore this photo and I swear, Shana, if you make some comment about how you look too fat or too sweaty or too windblown or...too...New York...I will come through your screen and give you a titty twister. (hugs!) 

6. It is possible to sucker a friend into buying a Statue of Liberty foam hat on the ferry. 

7. I am ending the debate here and now: Miss New Jersey is as big as a boat. 

OK, it just occurred to me that you may not be able to read that...boat's name? Miss New Jersey. Ha.

8. When I was applying for colleges and I was asked on the application what was most important to me in choosing a college, I always wrote in "the city must have a skyline." So, yes...Lexington has a skyline...but this is a gentle reminder of what I was missing. 

 

9. The arms of recruiters reach far and wide and, apparently, embrace all age levels. Well done, Marines! 

 Fleet Week means more than just white-clad eyecandy rolling into the city.

10. The Brooklyn Bridge is exactly like The Golden Gate Bridge in that it is impossible to take too many pictures of it. (Also there is an excellent Ken Burns documentary on the construction of the bridge...y'know...if you're tired of watching Mean Girls and looking for something different.)

 See what I mean, Vern?

11. It is possible to get a funky cabbie photo from the Brooklyn Bridge. However, Shana says she has a better one. Somewhere. If she can find the photo, it has a reserved spot in our guest bathroom.

  

12. Stop complaining about the sweaters Grandma knits for you every winter. At least she isn't toiling away at a sweater for your bike, too....

13. It is seldom a good idea to kick off a drinking contest at 1 AM. Also, I think it may be the first sign of alcoholism. And refrigerators are highly overrated. Really you just need a food tray and 6 handfuls of ice. (Clearly Sophie realizes this is a bad idea as she is giving the stinkeye to Mama for letting the shenanigans continue.)

14. The Bronx Zoo has ruined me for the typical pet. I am now ready to adopt one of these

 and one of these

 and one of these....

 But y'all can keep your free-roaming peacocks (who does that??). 

15. There are creatures at The Bronx Zoo that I thought only existed in Disney movies. 

16. Neal is directly descended from monkeys because I get this look a lot. 

17. "Spring" (term used loosely to indicate May even though thermometer indicated July) is the best time to visit the zoo. That's a little baby tucked in the arms of Mama. The "awwww" factor was off the charts. 

18. I really need to get laid. What I see here is not a feisty tiger lounging under a toy...I see a ball gag. A year is a really long time, y'all....

 19. Nobody...and I mean NOBODY makes mojitos like the cubans. 

20. The name of the show makes Mama Virgo blush, but it is well worth the ticket price. Also, it is a great introduction to New Yorker 101. But they do say "fuck." A lot. 

21. Always wear your maternity pants to Serendipity. The ice cream comes in 3 sizes...large, extra large, and something that resembles the size of Staten Island. (And it is perfectly acceptable to remove your Spanx in the 1-person bathroom and stash them in the tampon pocket of your purse if you eat too much.)

22. Times Square never sleeps. Amazing if you are a night owl...unfortunate if you are trying to roll yourselves home in a brownieicecream sugar coma.

 

Speaking of sleep...

More adventures tomorrow. It's bedtime for a certain pretty princess.

The Bet

I have decided to piggy back off of Shana's posts about my 10 days in NYC. I am giving a different version of things so if you want to get the whole story, you have to read both of us. Clever, yes? Let's start with The Bet. Shana gives a brief explanation of the bet we had here. (word to the wise and the non-clairvoyant...read her post or the rest of this won't make much sense).

So, we took our skinny asses to Isabella's. It was approximately 383729 degrees everywhere in the city...even inside the stores and restaurants (and trust me, we ducked into several random stores just so our underwears would dry out). As Shana explains it, many businesses have to call someone to prep their AC for the summer. Because it had been 40 degrees the week before, no one thought to prepare for SweatFest 2011. I understand and do not judge because, usually, spring comes before summer. But Isabella's was trying to combat the heat by opening their doors and windows that lead out onto the patio seating and turning on all of the fans. I appreciated the effort. But I was still sticking to the chair.

We did think to get a pre-dinner picture, while we still had fresh lipstick and teeth. 

Cheers to our success. Drink up, hooker, because you are going down in round 2. Just sayin'.

We ordered our victory dinners. Both of us had this hazelnut halibut that tasted exactly like buttah! I didn't even know something from the sea could be that delicious, creamy, non-fishy. Then I caught a glimpse of a waiter bringing out a dessert to the table next to us. It was a block of chocolate, molded to look like a bag, filled with berries and cream. My memories lit up like a skee ball board. I know that bag! I bring you Isabella's circa 2006...

 Meat on a stick. And Neal never lets me swallow before taking the picture.

And this, biffys, is why I photograph food. Otherwise I would forget what I ate and thus forget where I had been. My 80 year-old Alzheimer'd self has already started thanking me.

The weekend Neal brought me to NYC to propose at the top of Rockefeller Center, we also cruised the Bronx Zoo, strolled through Central Park, and stopped for lunch and bag-o-berries at Isabella's. It was all coming back to me now...the sidewalk table where we had sat...the green and white logo splashed across the matchbooks in our bathroom in Georgia....

But we didn't have the bag-o-berries. We had brownieicecreamthings, which you have seen if you've popped over to Shana's. And then I paid our bill because 26 lbs beats 12 lbs any day. (However, the rematch restaurant has already been determined and I'm now running for Kentucky bourbon pecan pie.)

After dinner, we met up with The Mistress of Phish, Charlotte @ My Pixie Blog. Champagne at Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Station was simply perfect. It's a renovated apartment that reeks of Vanderbilt's money and Great Gatsby's clientele. And I absolutely loved it. I'm glad I wore the pearls.

All we're missing is Jeeves. And cigars. But notice the empty champagne glass. We're hard on champagne.

We said goodbye to sweetbeautifulCharlotte and left her to retrieve the car from a parking garage attendant who had made us swear that we would be back by midnight. Bubbles in our belly and halibut on our breath, we cruised back to Chez Shana to crash and burn. I will follow in her footsteps with my next 2 posts...recording what I learned from my trip, complete with pictures and commentary. But for now, I think it may have just turned wine-thirty for me. Ciao and air kisses on the cheek.

The Delta Update

Hmm...make that 3 posts today.

I received this link from Sara @ Sara Plays House on Facebook this morning. It is Delta's blog. The first blog post of the morning addressed the concerns and anger that many people had voiced through various social media. Their social media/public relations coordinator, "Rachel", spouted Delta's policies on checked baggage for military personnel (which is 3 checked bags for coach and 4 checked bags for first class/business). I can tell you that the only time Neal ever flies first class is if someone gives up their seat to him (or if the plane is chartered and the officers are given first class seats...although he has been known to give up his first class seat to an enlisted Soldier). In fact, when he and I flew to Phoenix for an Army conference last spring, the attendant was willing to move him to first class (but my husband is a unicorn and wouldn't leave me behind because I was not offered any such deal). So, they almost always fly coach. 3 bags. That includes your weapon - which is housed in a special case that leaves little room for socks, underwear, and shampoo.

Also, I understand that Delta was apologizing for the "confusion" and misunderstanding regarding policies, but I can tell you that information flows down the chain of command as precisely as possible to avoid this very thing from happening. So, what that tells me is that someone from Delta misinformed the commander. That's on Delta, not on our military. The Delta representative actively made a decision to charge these Soldiers anyway...even though computers can be and are often overridden. It was a shocking and appalling choice, especially since "Rachel" is quick to claim her status as Army wife of a Reservist in Atlanta. They also brag of their affiliation and support of The Fisher House and the U.S.O. But as they say....it's not bragging if you can back it up. Delta did not back it up yesterday.

But our voices, emails, tweets, and Facebook statuses have been heard because the following change in policy was posted on Delta's blog today:

After careful consideration, effective immediately, U.S. military personnel traveling on orders in First Class and BusinessElite can check up to five bags at no charge and 4 bags in economy class. This change also adds dependents traveling with active military on orders. Each bag may weigh up to 70 lbs. (32 kg) and measure up to 80 linear inches (203 cm), which offers added flexibility over the standard 50 lbs. and 62 linear inches (157 cm) allotment. Because of weight, balance and space constraints, Delta Connection carriers will accept up to four bags at no charge. You can read the updates to the travel policy on delta.com.

Here's the thing: I understand that policies are in place for a reason. Just because a rule was misunderstood does not mean they necessarily need to change it. They should just apologize for the misunderstanding, eat the cost, and try to communicate better in the future. But I agree with this policy change because if you have ever traveled with a servicemember and all of his/her gear, you know that 3 bags is really not enough. Add a weapon and it's definitely not enough.

I also appreciate that dependents are included in this change. My only suggestion would be to allow weight overages for dependents traveling to meet their Soldier during r&r. Neal has approximately one tshirt and one pair of jeans with him currently. Oh and some swimming trunks because I think they still have a pool. I have to bring everything else. Upon returning from Italy, I was stopped in the JFK airport and interrogated about why I had so many bags for just me. How do you explain to a non-military security officer that I have to bring a suitcase of civilian clothes with me? Eventually they get it...but only after I have almost missed my flight.

So, to the best of my knowledge, I think Delta is reimbursing each Soldier's $200. I don't know how long it will take or if it will be the full $200. But I do know there are more than a few businesses out there who would have turned their back on the deluge of complaints. At least Delta is doing something about it. Too little too late? Perhaps. But we have to remember that everyone makes mistakes. It's if and how you apologize for them that makes the difference.

Delta Thanks Soldiers By Charging Them

I try not to be all doom and gloom and Hooah, Hooah, We are Army! on this blog but I hope by now you have come to expect it to a certain degree. Also, the name of the blog is 400 Wakeups....anyone military-related knows what they are getting into. I do have several fantastic posts in the works about my week with Shana and the adventures we had with drag queens, Harry Potter, and the Staten Island natives, so today I will be posting twice. *collective gasp from the peanut gallery* I know, right? I try not to do that much because we are all very busy people and I feel like it is imposing. However, I cannot not put this out there for you all to act on.

This is a short Youtube clip that was posted by 2 Soldiers on a Delta flight home from Afghanistan yesterday. They explain the situation they encountered with Delta's business policies much better than I ever could. So, I'm going to let them tell it. It only takes 3 minutes.

Is that some shit or WHAT?? I have my own letter to Delta that I am composing right now. Something about a business negating a contract they have already signed and trying to make a few extra dollars off of the men and women who had just laid down their lives for them. I am not sure how anyone can view this video and feel like Delta did the right thing (although in the comments section of the Youtube video some idiot made the remark that they should not be complaining because they didn't get perks this time). If you feel like Delta Airlines has made a terrible mistake, I urge you to write them, as well. Personally, I refuse to fly them again until they pay that money back to those Soldiers in full. I am one person who flies maybe 3 times per year, but together, we are an Army of one.

Delta Air Lines, Inc

1030 Delta Boulevard

Atlanta, GA 30320-6001

*many thanks to Jeannie for making me aware of this story this morning

When They Don't Wake Up

I wish I could begin this post with the past week's play-by-play in The Big Apple with Shana.


Instead, I will start that on Wednesday.

I woke up this morning to several emails and text messages from friends and family who were concerned about Neal and asking if I had talked to him. I hadn't read the news yet but I dug my laptop out of the suitcase swiftly...panicked and anxious. 5 dead after a rocket attack in central Iraq. The news story was wired out of Baghdad. Oh God. I paced the house and breathed deeply until my phone rang. It was Neal and he was his typical relaxed, jovial self. We talked about my last day in New York and the flight home. We discussed our upcoming R&R and what he had been doing all day. And I thanked God a hundred times over for those 45 minutes.

I started this blog because so many readers were asking for a peak into our lives...to have the opportunity to know a Soldier and his family and the ups and downs during a deployment. As I sit in the dark of my living room, typing this and digesting 3 hotdog buns, a dressing of balsamic vinegar and olive oil and several brownies (because eating feelings is so much more productive than actually feeling them), I am reminded of why deployments are not the same as a 12-month holiday to the desert. CNN and Fox News are pushing the story that Iraq is a ghost town...that there are a few thousand troops left and they are just there for training and advisory purposes. Any deployment to Iraq is a year of paid vacation. The attack on Camp Victory proves otherwise. Those Soldiers were in their quarters, their "CHU"...they were sleeping. They were mortared in their beds. They never had a chance. It's not about letting your guard down for a second or making the wrong decision...they were in the middle of our most basic human need. To attack someone while he is asleep is cowardly and unforgivable. And it makes my stomach turn to think that it even happened...much less that Camp Victory is a major base just north of Baghdad and of Neal.

I just ask that you will stop sometime today and say a prayer for the families of those Soldiers. When we know their names, then we will also know that each one has been visited by the casualty officer...the Angel of Death. And unless we have walked in those shoes, we can never know how devastating it can be. May God bless our troops and the U.S.A.

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