Friday, April 22, 2011

Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture

Mama Virgo is always trying to find ways to work herself into my blog. At least once a month I get forwarded emails with taglines that say "this would make a great blog post, don't you think?" Well, yes...except adorable photos of panda bears in bamboo is not really deployment or Army related. So, instead they get forwarded on to my nieces, who appreciate them immensely. Except, this time she has worked her way in without really even trying.

Happy (Last) Red Wine Friday and Happy (Finally) Birthday to Neal!

Neal landed in Iraq on his birthday. Happy Birthday to you, here's some sand in your crack for the next year. All of this movement about the world made it difficult to ship anything to him and be guaranteed that it would find him. So, we waited. When the time was right and the CHU (something that starts with a "c", Housing Unit...I think) was unpacked, we started mailing the birthday items. My packages included 

As proud as I was of my purchases (especially since they were specifically requested by Neal), Mama Virgo had me beat. 

She kept saying "I can't tell you what we got him. You will just have to wait until he sends pictures." My fear was that she had caved on what he truly wished for and what I flat out refused to buy him 

There is so much wrong with this...I just don't even know where to start. It is the first time I have ever told my husband no. Well except for the whitewater rafting thing. And the sky diving thing. 

Mama Virgo swore left, right, north, and south that she did not buy him toe shoes....that she did not even have his shoe size. So, I waited. For two, long, agonizing weeks. Neal even went so far as to call Mama Virgo while he was Skyping me, just to say thank you for the amazing gift. He would try to take pictures sometime over the weekend. A 3-way call just to add to my frustration. Because my mother and my husband like to double-team me like that. 

In the end, the wait was worth it (as it almost always is). I received these pictures while barreling down I-64 on the way to brunch with Mama Virgo and Anna Banana. I am shocked that I didn't wreck my car while laughing uncontrollably. Happy Birthday to Neal, as only Mama and Anna could do it: 

I think I've seen this face twice...and once was when I asked him to bank his sperm in case he didn't come home from the war. 

OH no! It's a Shake Weight!! Now everyone in the unit can look like they are masturbating while they are exercising! I apologize to all of the 352 wives in advance. I'm not sure what the photos will look like when they return, but I'm sure part of it will be Neal's fault. 

WHOA. He is waaayyy too happy about this. A Keurig and a digital picture frame didn't produce a smile that big. Suddenly, I am alarmed. 

In case you had confused The Shake Weight with a sex toy, it actually comes with exercises and an instructional DVD. I would like to see The Silver Bullet try to compete with that. 

I am a little confused about why they only send one, though....maybe you can't handle the ecstasy of two Shake Weights at once? Or maybe it's bad for the heart. Or maybe it will give you hairy palms. Either way, Neal has yet to report on the effectiveness of his new Oh never mind. 

Neal started his second master's class a couple of weeks ago so he barely has time to work, sleep, eat, and write papers. I am trying to keep him supplied with lots of bold K-cups and spicy chips but apparently I need to cross Shake Weight off of my list. Well played, Mama Virgo, well played....

In other news, it's been a little quiet over here lately because everyone in D.C. had just zapped every bit of zest straight out of me. I had to recover from their 11th hour recovery. To all of my new followers, both military and not, WELCOME!! I promise it's not all political rants and government frustrations. Sometimes it's a party. Happy Red Wine Friday, everyone and I wish you all an amazing Easter weekend. We will return to Champagne Fridays next week and I can hardly wait. 


  1. Love the presents!

    The look on his face WAS funny!

    Enjoy your red wine...

    that is all

  2. Welcome back and a Happy Red Wine Friday back atcha, Babe!
    Somehow I feel that Wilzie would think the shake weight is just getting in the way...

  3. Hahaha he clearly loved the shake weight! :)

  4. Happy Good Friday to you! I cheated on God this week and caved with a spoonful of nutella. He hasn't struck me down yet, so I think we're good!

    What is up with those shoes? Why would anyone want to run and feel the shit on the ground at the same time? Thanks, but I'm good.

    Super jealous of the coffee maker though :)

  5. I have been wondering how you were doing!!

    I can NOT believe they got him the Shake Weight.

    See, I'd buy THAT before the toe shoes! Those things are all shades of wrong!!!

    I've not got a Keurig, but I've only heard good stuff about them. Are the THAT good??

    Also. I want you to be president. :)

  6. The Shake Weight has to be the funniest exercise thingy since the Thighmaster. Not sure what I think about those shoes, but I'm betting he'll have some before too long.

  7. How did it get to be Friday while I wasn't paying attention? Time to open the wine - sorry it's white. Happy weekend.

  8. This is just as funny now as it was when I saw the pictures the first time...also while driving. Mama Virgo gets major points for the most creative birthday gift of the year.

  9. LOL!! I wonder if it really does anything, or is just something "fun" to do???? I remember seeing the ad on tv before we moved here. Commercials....a very vague memory at this point, lol!

    I'm a lousy friend, but I'm trying really hard to catch up!! HUGS!

    Happy Easter - Buon Pasqua!

  10. Hope you had a very happy Easter!!!

    LMAO @ the Shake Weight. The pictures here are priceless. I'm sure he appreciated your gifts just as much, momma!

    PS: those are some god-awful and ugly shoes. What's with those things?! :p

  11. L O V E!!! This was a hilarious post and you know I have to be in Mama Virgo's corner since I am the momma bear I mean. :) This was great! Thank you for sharing. You've been missed. I may not always comment, but I always read.

  12. Very funny post, I am glad Neal got his gifts. By the way.. A CHU is a Containerized Housing Unit.

  13. LOL! I'm glad it wasn't toe shoes--Fred wants to try some on, but I don't think I can bear to see it.
    I think your gifts were awesome. Was it even a red Keurig?

  14. I think this surpasses my birthday gifts including a Colts snuggie and a teapot.

    A Keurig and a Shake Weight? I don't know how you top that.

  15. HA!!! Suddenly the toe shoes don't seem so bad ;) hehe!

    Mike actually tried some on the other day to see if he would like them for kayaking and he admitted they were comfortable but strange.

    OOOH can you have champagne again? YAY!

    P.S. I'm extremely jealous of Neals Keurig, I want one so bad!


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