Happy Funday

This has nothing to do with major house renos or Iraq or jewelry. But I saw it on The Scholastic Scribe's blog today and it made me giggle. So, I thought I would share it because it's Sunday and I have a bottle of Georgia peach wine chilling in the fridge. You probably do not have a bottle of Georgia peach wine chilling in the fridge, so here's the next best thing. Happy Sunday.

From Funny or Die

Road Trip!

Pack the wieners and the PBR...we're headed to the game! Meet me over at From the Sidelines to get a glimpse into how it all started with WeeAlly and a driveway basketball goal. While you're there, scroll down to meet Shana, Surferwife, and Hutch. Come back next week to meet the rest of the chicks team! Happy Weekend and HAPPY CHAMPAGNE FRIDAY!

tee-hee-hee..."it's right down my alley..." Get it? ha.

I'm a Pimp

I've been meaning to sit down and gush unapologetically (with only the slightest hopes that it will land me something free from any of them) about my tres (yay for French) clever friends. But first, an update. If my nouns and verbs don't quite match or I suddenly forget how to use their, there, and they're...please understand that I have a masonry saw headache the size of Russia. I feel like I'm trapped in the mouth of a dental patient. Who has been brushing his teeth with a stick.

One day, my house looked like this:

The next day it looked like this:

I am doing everything I can to not place my temples between a vice and crank down. Hard. And the girls, I'm afraid, are not faring much better. I'm getting a lot of confused looks and exasperated sprawling with paws clamped over their ears.

Anyway, let the bragging commence.
First is my friend, Shelly, who occasionally comments but always reads. She is the Empress of Embroidery and made this well-said onesie for a certain blogworthy baby.

This is the interactive section of the post where you have to turn your head. Go ahead. I'll wait.

You can visit Shelly at Precious Cargo Boutique. And ask for the Gator Hater Special. It comes in all sizes.

Next up is Audrey. I don't actually know Audrey. I found her on Etsy. I was looking for a handmade carrying case for my new Nook Color last Christmas. She uses the binding of books to make ereader cases and clips a passage from the book for a pocket inside the front cover. I didn't immediately see a book that I wanted, but she was willing to use one I already owned and loved. I chose The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd (I realize the ereader is going to be the death of all bookstores and books in general, but please don't get your thong in a wad about me ripping the pages from a book in order to store my electronics. I kept the pages. It's still a book...albeit bound by a hair tie...)

I so adored Audrey's work (and the speed at which she creates these custom pieces) that I ordered one for Anna Banana's birthday.

Now granted...Audrey lives in Saskatchewan...which is essentially at the end of the earth and then hang a left. And if you ship her a book to use, it will take a month to get there and a couple of weeks to get the finished product back to you. But if she's home and able, she will complete your ereader case the same day she receives it in the mail. Amazon ain't got nuttin' on that. Find Audrey at her Retro Grandma store on Etsy.

If you don't know Queenie Jeannie and her adventures in Italy (including copious amounts of bread...wine...cheese) and her overwhelming creativity in paper crafting, you simply must go visit her. She always sends me the most beautiful and complex cards in the mail....matched in perfection only by the Italian wine she can no longer ship for fear of landing in the brig. I received these last month and keep them on my desk for any crisis of creativity that arises during the day.

I special-requested this one because it's my most favoritestestestest card she's ever done. Why can't all peacocks look like that? With pearls. Instead of scary. Like Bronx Zoo peacocks. Eating trash that is overflowing from the can....

Visit her at her blog and scroll through the exquisite designs she posts. There is always something to covet!

And speaking of crafty bloggers...we all know Mimi, oui? She is living life "in France" and sometimes sews precious pillowcase dresses and patio pillows (for the really demanding shopper). I have looked high, low, and Kohl's for the perfect outdoor pillows. Nothing. Nada. Craptastic pillows for $20 each. So, I found this outdoor fabric on like 322% off at Hancock Fabrics and sent it with a special request for 2 square pillows. I got 3 because she's awesome like that. And it was a lot of fabric. (What do I know about fabric? I just kept telling the girl to unroll the bolt until it looked about right.) Two weeks later, these arrived:

...just in time for SweatFest 2011. While I am unable to enjoy these right now...even after the sun goes down...even at 3 AM...they will be perfect lumbar support for sipping margaritas and watching my rosemary grow. Find Mimi, The Cursing Crafter, on Facebook or on Etsy.

As some of you may know, Sara @ Sara Plays House has launched a baking empire with Totally Sweet Cakes. I had been trying to score a Sara cake for Neal's pre-deployment gatherings, but with the timing and the driving and...well, Christmas...it just never worked out. When I was asked to supply the cake for bestie's baby shower a couple of weeks ago, I turned to Sara immediately. And it was a sugarfrostingvelvetymoistorgasm. This picture does not do justice to what Sara created using only the website link to bff's nursery decor. If baby girl's nursery was made of fondant it could not have been a better match. I promise better snaps soon...but for the sake of inclusion...I present bliss in batter form:

Find Sara on Facebook or at Totally Sweet Cakes. And if you are anywhere in the Atlanta area, you can stop ordering your confections from Publix. Your search is over. She's your girl.

Lastly, but certainly not least, is the funky genius behind my Daisy & Elm website, Monica of MDS Marketing. To be totally fair, Monica and I go way back. Let me put it this way...we would sit in the bathroom and chat while the other peed. And that was not at all alarming to any of the adults. Inseparable from age 5 to 17, we've had our disagreements over boys (my apologies to all of our middle school guidance counselors) and gone our separate ways a time or two. But now we are both happily married businesswomen who giggle just like the good ole toilet days. She has an eye for color combinations, a twist of OCD, and a healthy dose of attention to detail. Exactly what you would want in your website designer. If you love my new look and find yourself in need of some freshening..or an overhaul, you can email her at mdsmarketing@hotmail.com to get started.

We do not look old enough to drink but this was, indeed, someone's 21st birthday. Monica is in the middle. I'll let you sort out the rest.

If I have failed to mention you and you are another one of my crafty (cursing or not) friends (I'm looking at you, photographers!)...fret not...I have part 2 that I'm still writing. Because I am surrounded by seriously skilled craftswomen, I can't fit that much awesome into one post or readers would spontaneously combust.

Tomorrow I'm celebrating Champagne Friday over at From the Sidelines with a tale of how a soccer ball scored me pneumonia and I became an athletic supporter.

You Know When You Need One...

Gratituesday, that is. I'm linking up with Amy @ PBJDreamer and forcing myself to find 10 things to be grateful for this week. Y'know you need a Gratituesday when it takes you 3 days to write the post.

10. The men came to set up the scaffolding for the demolition this morning. They got one section built before it started raining sideways. They left the rest of the scaffolding leaning against a tree and went...wherever construction workers go to wait out the rain. It's been sunny for over an hour. I think if they fail to return, the scaffolding becomes mine, right?

Free scaffolding to install in my house? FABULOUS.

9. Yesterday was Patty the Prius' quarterly lube job (I'm glad someone is getting lubed around here). I forget that the Toyota dealership in Lexington washes the cars after the oil change is finished.

Letting someone else wash my filthy, buggy, I-75 traveling car? FABULOUS.

8. We have approximately 20 total feet of greenspace around the townhouse. 3 of those feet are on the back patio and covered in weeds. Last Saturday, it was overcast and cool enough to finally do something about it.

Before

After

Having a less weedy place to enjoy my margaritas? FABULOUS. 

7. I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 days in Georgia. And DivaVee made me workout every day...which is exactly what I needed to motivate myself into continuing when I returned to KY. 

Dropping another 2 lbs due to crazywoman's workout motivation? FABULOUS.

 

6. Last week I finally launched my new Daisy & Elm website. I've been working on this since January. At the last minute, I had my logo redesigned and I adore both the logo and the website. 

Taking the next step to having a successful business? FABULOUS. 

5. We are on a countdown to Paris and I will see Neal in just under 6 weeks. I have cried a lot of tears over when and if this R&R would even happen. 

Having an airline ticket for Paris with my name on it? FABULOUS. 

4. Last month, Mama Virgo and I snaked the dryer vent in the townhouse. The dryer is on the second floor so I bought a complex system of hose extensions to reach up and through the house. When I took the outside cover off of the dryer vent, I reached my hand in and smacked it into the back of the dryer. 

Finally finding out something is less complicated than you expected. TOTALLY FREAKING FABULOUS. 

3. I mailed a package to a client that somehow was delivered to the wrong city entirely. But I add tracking to everything I ship and so it found its way to the rightful owner 24 hours later. 

Seeing that additional 70 cents finally pay off? FABULOUS. 

2. The last time my sister visited me for more than 36 hours, she was dating the man she would marry. That was over 10 years ago. 2 kids and 2 moves later, she is planning a trip to Kentucky for the first week in August. I fully appreciate that it is difficult to travel with 2 small kids...especially when it involves a 10-hour drive. However, this trip is way overdue. 

Getting to bead, craft, scrapbook, and show my sister around the local vineyards for a week? FABULOUS.

1. Last weekend, I had an ugly-face cry with Neal on Skype. Partially estrogen-driven and partially general contractor-driven, I hysterically sobbed about how I am so sick of this effin' house and its effin' brick and the effin' contractor. The very next sentence out of Neal's mouth was, "What's his phone number?" My knight in shining kevlar came riding in from the east to defend my honor and get my back. 

Having my husband support me in every way he can, even from thousands of miles away, even in the middle of a warzone? FANFUCKINTASTIC! 

Go visit Amy for a few more positive thoughts on this dreary Tuesday afternoon!

Kick-Off

I have been known to attend a sporting event or 2.

Like this one...

White Sox vs. Red Sox (back when Manny was still a Red Sox-er) 2007 

and this one...

U.K. versus somebody (it was freezing rain at the tail end of football season and all I wanted was hot chocolate and a couch)

and this one twice a year: 

Keeneland Horse Racing in Lexington...where the hats are big, the skirts are short, the drinks are strong, and there is money to be won on every race.

And sometimes I make adorable team jewelry like this:

and this...

and of course, these...

The point is, I don't often blog about my love for sports because a) most chicks just don't dig sports and b) I am not an expert on any sport so most of my ramblings have to do with my pathetic betting strategy at the track or how nice that tight end's tight end is. 

But Hutch is about to change all of that (Happy 200th Post, by the way, Hutch!). She has assembled a collective of female bloggers, who have varying sports interests, into one blog called From the Sidelines: Chicks Tackle Sports, Fandom, and Fitness. And I am one of the chicks! So in addition to the rip-roaring fun we have at 400 Wake-ups and Magnolias& Mimosas, we are adding more to the mix. When you can't have babies at the moment, the next best thing is a new blog. Or a puppy. But I don't scoop anyone's poo with my bare hands so blog it is! 

Please pop over to visit us, follow us, find us on Twitter, and read our sports insights and ramblings. You can leave your pink jersey at home, but bring your game face.

Murphy's Law of Deployment

When the tuff-boxes are packed and the unit is boarding the bus bound for the airport, we turn to each other, left standing behind and waving, and say, "What will be the first thing to break?" It is only partially funny because we all know one of us will be calling a repairman in the next 7 days. It's not that we, mostly women, are unable to perform the handyman duties that our husband could (because sometimes they do actually make matters worse)...it's that whatever shuts off/randomly reverses direction/rusts through/dies in the middle of the night/or, in my case, leaks during a west-bound storm is only fixable by someone with superior knowledge in that specific area. We change air filters and clean garbage disposals all the time. But, inevitably, the garbage disposal will cease to do anything but moan or the refrigerator door will somehow come completely off its hinges and we are left standing there, wondering,

Why the HELL couldn't this have happened when he was home?

Within our unit alone, by the end of the second month of deployment, there had been a serious car accident, the need to purchase a new car (unrelated to the first), the purchase of a new air conditioning unit, and the discovery that the entire front of a townhouse had been improperly bricked.

That last one would be mine.

And thus began my last 3 months of general contracting Hell. And they haven't even started working yet.

What started as rain running down my blinds during the first west-bound storm we've had in 7 years, ended with a quote in the thousands to remove all of the brick on the front of the townhouse (floor to second story roof), remove and replace rotten OSB board and 2x4's, install new construction windows, re-wrap the house in Tyvek, and re-brick the entire thing.

We sold our house in the suburbs last spring so that I could have an easy-to-maintain townhouse to visit while Neal was in Iraq. I, quite literally, jumped from the pot directly into the fire. I traded mowing the lawn every 2 weeks for a well-landscaped, improperly constructed townhome.

Awesome does not begin to describe it.

Except that I love our house. The interior is painted in blues and grays and all of the appliances are stainless steel. I delight in hearing the girls' toenails click as they climb the hardwood stairs. The landscapers mow and weed faithfully once a week. There is a fountain behind our house and well-maintained, blooming flowers everywhere. Our master closet is so large that the building code required an outlet on every wall.

I don't want to move. I don't want to sell it. I don't regret the purchase.

But I think there is a special place in a fiery afterlife for some general contractors.

So, that's the story of where I've been....aside from helping to host a baby shower for a bestie in Georgia, launching the new Daisy & Elm website, and voting everyday on Facebook for Journey 4 A Cure (which is a non-profit that is trying to win money from a business giving away $1.25 million to charities with the most votes. You can vote everyday and you can do so by clicking the button on the top right of my page. Easy peasy. AND they're *almost* to the #4 spot! They need the votes, you can give it them).

I am "back" and I'm working my way through the 290 unread posts in my Google Reader. I don't know how I fall so behind. Oh yes I do...brick springs a leak, the patio light mysteriously stops working, the dryer hose blows off, the taillight falls out of the back window of the Pathfinder......Murphy's Law of Deployment.

Bombs Still Bursting In Air

It's 2:30 PM on the Friday of a 4th of July weekend. Chances are, you've abandoned the ship and begun swimming toward the margarita machine and a gathering with grilled cow. If you are stuck at the desk until the whistle blows at 5 PM, you are either shopping online, reading blogs online, or looking at Facebook online. I would say productivity is somewhere in the negative integers. Now is not the time to work. It's time for a beer cooler, a pool, a mattress sale, and country music concerts.

And I hope that you enjoy every last minute of your 3-day weekend.

It's difficult to blog-hop today without landing on someone who wants to remind you that this weekend is for honoring our country's history and the men and women who fight to defend it. And I must confess, I'm riding shotgun on that bandwagon.

When Neal is home and we're grilling steaks and mixing margaritas for a gathering of friends on the patio, it's easy to forget about the men and women who sleep with one eye open. I forget that sometimes Neal has to sleep with one eye open. We are together, we are surrounded by our biggest fans, and we are feasting like kings. And then, a year later, I am alone in my living room and reflecting on what this holiday should mean.

If it is that easy for me to forget during non-deployment years, I must then accept and forgive when civilians celebrate the holiday as an extra day off from work and an excuse for a pool party.

When we are personally unaffected, it falls completely off our radar. It's not the American way...it's the human condition. We get impatient and we roll our eyes...we cut people off in traffic and we fight over the last cake at Sam's.

But if we can step back and think about what our lives would be like under Gaddafi or Chavez or Kim Jong-II...we realize that we owe an overwhelming debt of gratitude to the service men and women who volunteer, fight, and die for our freedom to choose our elected officials. This is not about Obama or Congress, even. This is about the men and women who volunteer to sacrifice their lives so that we, as Americans, may continue to hold elections and have a voice in how this country is run.

I am writing this today so that maybe next 4th of July, amidst the frozen drinks and couch time with Neal, I will remember the families who are mourning the loss or missing the face of a loved one at war. Because our support and gratitude shouldn't stop just because they are home.

Comments are off. Please, instead, give your comments to a Marine, Soldier, Airman, Sailor, or Coast Guard.